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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I’m walking along the riverbank, just vibing. The Avon River is so pretty here. I’m snapping pics, feeling like a tourist in my own town. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich! I’m like, “Nah, mate! Not today!” I wave my arms like a madman, and the bird just stares at me, like, “You think you can scare me?”

Band plays on during robbery